Doubt

Been questioning myself ever so often these few days, especially when so many of my friends are attending their university orientation camps and all and all I've gotten are a bunch of rejection letters. Then the questions start coming. Should I retake my A's? Why didn't I consider retaking A's? What if I had chosen to retake A's? Should I consider retaking my A's now? So many questions with no answers. I know inside that I don't want to retake it because of mainly one reason. I'm scared as hell for my future because right now I have no idea which direction to take and where I'm headed. 

It was a nightmare, my 2 years in JC. And it's not because AJ is a horrible school, or that the people there are horrible, or that I hate the school. I just didn't enjoy JC. It was hell, simply put. In those 2 years, I've cried, hated, loved, fallen, gotten hurt and fucked up more than I ever thought I would. I don't even remember how I survived every single day of the last 2 years. Come to think of it, the only thing I actually remember from JC is Sports Club. It was my escape, my solace, amidst all the craziness. It was the one thing I turned to when I wanted to escape from the harsh reality that is the hell I was in. I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere, except for Sports Club. Thinking back, I think I was an empty shell. I don't remember how I managed to wake up at 5:30am every single day to drag myself back to the hell-hole, over and over and over again. Those 2 years flew past in a blur. I never want to relive any part of those 2 years, except the parts with Sports Club. I never want to think about ever having to go through those 2 years again. I feel like I'm on the verge of an emotional breakdown every single time I think about this.

Go to JC, they said.

It'd be fun, they said.

They're not wrong. It could be, for you. But it wasn't for me.

For all those taking their A's this year, study hard, don't let yourself down. The glory of getting good grades will be yours forever.