Plague

So much has happened lately in the past 1 month or even less that I've lost 3kg without even knowing why. Stepped on the weighing scale just 2 days ago and realised the 3kg I so painstakingly gained is gone. Might not necessarily be a bad thing I suppose, every girl wants to be skinny right?

So much bothering me, I don't know where I find the strength to carry on laughing/smiling everyday, pretending like nothing's wrong when all I want to do is lay in bed all day and cry, and be a bitch about everything. But I'm not like that, and I know it. All I know is that I cannot continue living this way, sleeping at 5am everyday and waking up at 10am the next day. It's unhealthy and it's crazy but I can't help it. I just can't fall asleep, and when I do fall asleep, I end up waking up every few hours in panic and cold sweat and/or from bad dreams. WHY.

Someone please help me, and tell me what to do.

The constant rain daily is a reminder of how much it is raining in my heart. Maybe the day it stops raining, I'll finally know what I want, and carry on from there.