Heartstrings

Today you asked me what I wish you knew. I didn't know what to say, because there were just too many.

Here goes:

I wish you knew how much you meant to me, and how much our relationship meant to me. I wish you knew how hard it is to actually let this go. I wish you knew how everytime I see something that reminds me of you a little part of me dies inside. I wish you knew how hard it is to draw lines all around to separate me from you. I wish you knew how much I wanted you to salvage the relationship, to do anything, anything at all, to make me stay. I wish you knew how much I just wanted you to fight and try for me, for us. I wish you knew how disappointed, hurt, and upset I am. I wish you knew how heartbroken I really am. 

But I also want you to know that I will be fine even without you, perhaps even better. I also want you to know that one day I will look at you and not feel like bursting into tears or running into your arms, and be able to look at you and smile and/or nod and remember the good times we had, and feel happy for myself and for you. I also want you to know that I will be okay, and you will too. I also want you to know that I've learnt to slowly accept that we're no longer together. I also want you to know that at the end of the day, it will all be okay, and one day we will be able to hang out normally as friends. I also want you to know that I am learning to be happy, without you, no matter how hard I have to try. Last but not least, I also want you to know that you have taught me more than anyone could have.

Thank you, for giving me many wonderful things and memories to remember you by, but most of all, thank you for teaching me the meaning of love, and helping me find out the extent I'm willing to go to, the things I'm willing to do, just for the one I love. Thank you, for everything.

Above all these, I wish you love, and happiness. You can also learn to be happy without me. Hang in there, because know that this, too, shall pass. I loved you, and that's not gonna change, but one day my heart space will be given to someone else to occupy. I hope, with all the broken pieces of me, that this future someone will know how to love me, and cherish me, and not break my heart again.

Thank you, the one boy that stole my heart away, for better or for worse, we'll still have each other. We may not end up as lovers, but things will work themselves out somehow. They always do. I will learn to let this go and the day I do, I hope you can be happy for me too.

I look forward to brighter, sunnier, happier days ahead. :)